Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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