I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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