My entire life is one complicated drinking game
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
