I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
