i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
