May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
