you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
