then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
