I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
