Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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