oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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