Define "chronic" masturbator.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
