At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
