I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
