TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
