he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
