Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
