I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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