hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
