So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize