I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
