so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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