So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
