we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
