you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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