he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
