wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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