Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
