Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
