he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
