life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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