Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
