Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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