why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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