Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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