Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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