Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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