i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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