dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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