Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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