I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
