i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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