yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
