he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
