I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
