He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
