well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
