atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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