i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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