I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
