Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
