im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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