What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
