I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
