Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
