Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
