You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why didn't you poke me back
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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