ugly people sure do ruin things
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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