I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
