i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
