you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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