you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
