He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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