ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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