Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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