You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
