Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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