Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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