It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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