Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
