who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
