Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
