I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
