She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
