my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
