Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize